I don't pretend to know anything about motherhood - that's why I'm reading a book on motherhood, "Unlikely Truths of Motherhood" by Katie Van Dyke. I've only read like 10 pages while nursing Kaylee - I can't seem to justify reading any other time because I feel like I should be doing other productive things while she's sleeping. Anyway, so far I really like it. Again, I'm only a couple pages in and already I'm starting to feel more normal because it's described how I'm feeling to a T with some insight that has made me feel better. For instance:
Sweet Monotony
Feeding
FeedingBurping
FeedingBurpingChanging
FeedingBurpingChangingCooing
FeedingBurpingChangingCooingFussing
FeedingBurpingChangingCooingFussingRocking
FeedingBurpingChangingCooingFussingRockingSleeping
FeedingBurpingChangingCooingFussingRockingSleepingWaking
BurpingChangingCooingFussingRockingSleepingWaking
ChangingCooingFussingRockingSleepingWaking
CooingFussingRockingSleepingWaking
FussingRockingSleepingWaking
RockingSleepingWaking
SleepingWaking
Waking
Though the order may change,
The motions are the same.
Regardless of time,
Regardless of day,
My life
And the life of my baby's
Is made up of the same movements
Over and Over and Over again.
It is exhausting for both of us.
I sometimes long for a change...Does she?
But then I remember that
Music is made
Using the same seven notes in variation.
And only twenty-six letters combine
to create poems, and plays, and masterpieces.
I realize that monotony can create miracles.
So I will go through the motions with my baby
And we will dance
Through the pages of our own story.
The past few days have been really tough for me as this monotony has been getting to me. I cry when I know I shouldn't be but can't stop. And then I look into the eyes of my sweet little girl and feel guilty that I'm crying, which makes me cry more. I don't want her to think that she is the reason I'm crying. I love her and feel blessed to have her in our family but I still cry while I get used to being a mom. But I'm glad I read the above to remind me that even though it is monotonous, it is also sweet. Like listening to her funny noices while she sleeps, watching her stretch her tiny arms and legs, watching her adorable facial expressions, and my personal favorite - locking eyes with her and wondering what she's thinking. And I get excited thinking about the future with Kaylee as part of our family.
So while I am still adjusting to the routine of taking care of a newborn, I am going to try to keep in mind the sweetness of it all when I have my meltdowns and dance with my baby girl through the sweet monotony.
7 comments:
You're a beautiful writer, Megan. I really like the quote from the book...I know for a fact that's how I'll feel whenever Mike and I have kids! Kaylee is so adorable...at least you're not home with a less-than-cute baby! :)
Megan, that's EXACTLY how I felt with Kaulin. In fact after having three I can say my absolute hardest time and adjustment was going from working full time cutting hair, visiting with people constantly to the "sweet monotony" of motherhood. And even tho it seems like you're doing nothing productive I have to stop and remember that Heavenly Father blessed me with these little spirits (sometimes I'm still not sure why me?!) and it's is our stewardship to change and feed...etc. My advice to you is enjoy the peaceful quiet time you have...it fades away and I'm not sure when it ever returns....(:
Beautiful!
I agree with Elisha. Newborns are hard in that the time is EXTREMELY monotonous and sometimes lonely. However, when they start growing up, they are mobile and want what they want and that is hard too. Take the good with the bad. Enjoy having time off to spend with her, and enjoy having her to cuddle because that doesn't last forever. Then when she gets older, you can enjoy the times when she says she loves you and gives you a hug. Let Jake help whenever he can. He will enjoy the time with Kaylee and you will enjoy a much needed break. Hang in there! Oh, and you should post some more pics for those of us who don't get to see you regularly!
Obviously I've not yet had the chance to be a mother (with the exception of Roxy, don't laugh :), but I have heard similar stories from my friends who have gone through the same thing. What I appreciate about you, Megan, is that even though you do appreciate the gift of being a mother, you are down to earth, and are open enough to sharing the frustrations (And joys!), instead of sugar-coating it, saying everything is perfect :). I enjoy reading about your journey, and don't feel guilty reading the motherhood book, especially if it's helping you to feel better!!
and then the day comes when you wish for the Monotony :) Please come over and visit. We'd love to see you.. or we can come to you. I get it.. remember when I visited lots when taylor was first born.
by the way.. help me remember. I owe you money - I thought of it today and about had a heart attack. so much is going on in my crazy life that I am forgetting everything! You would think that I'm pregnant (I'm not..).. so help me remember!
Oh I remember the days. I hope it helps to know from others comments and the book that you are not alone in the way you feel. And that it's okay to feel what you are feeling too! My word of advice if its warm outside go for a walk if it's cold go somewhere like the mall where you can be inside and walk! And last but not least take lots and lots of pictures!!
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